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Quitting work at a younger age, however, means a longer retirement, and the traditional rules for a 25-year cookie-cutter retirement may not apply.(Even for 65-year-old retirees, there’s considerable doubt as to whether it’s actually a safe rule. Nobody gives a fuck that Elon musk is working 100 hours a week, and that Marissa Mayer pulling in a 130 hour work week while still breastfeeding her newborns. You should celebrate any day that you don’t have to sell off another part of your company. Fuck you for telling me that TV is a waste of time but you’re all about the Netflix and chill. And I never got a compilation error on a white board, when I need a hash set in Java I just use Hash Set- I don’t fucking care about the complexity of this code block because I can afford another EC2 instance! Everyone there is the CEO of something-something and they’re all building a MVP to disrupt the who gives a fuck market and that hockey-stick growth is guaranteed.
But another type of American Dream has now developed: The freedom to upturn your desk, give your boss the finger, and retire on the spot—without making a lifestyle sacrifice, of course.For example, if you want to storm out of your office at 40 and plan on living another 50 years with ,000 in annual walking-around money, simple arithmetic indicates you’ll need million.It’s a ton, to be sure, but it’s not Vanderbilt money. Fuck you startups with your extravagant parties and crazy off-site events that cost way too much money, you’re supposed to buy some fucking servers instead! On one end of the scale you’ve got the pizza-guzzling, office-snack hoarding monster, and on the other end you have the ‘I-must-optimize-every-living-second’ douche that only drinks fucking Soylent. It ain’t gonna mitigate all those fucking doritos you just munched on, so just shut the fuck up and sit in a normal chair like normal people. Especially all those straight-out-of-college-entrepreneurs. I want to get the same version of your site every time I refresh it, stop fucking changing it up on me.
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Do me a favor, put your fucking Mac away and go play with your kids. Please stop celebrating every fucking imaginary milestone with whisky, beer, or pizza and beer. Oh, OK, I’ll come work for you because you have the Glenlivet 17 and not the 15. Fuck your eating disorders, why the fuck does everything have to be so extreme with you? Fuck your standing desk, exercise ball desk, laying desk, and treadmill desk. Let me repeat that -NO ONE CAN FUCKING READ THAT FAST. Fuck your references to Malcolm Gladwell and Dan Ariely, and stop fucking quoting Lean Startup, for Christs sake. Fuck “entrepreneurs” nowadays, seriously- Everybody is a fucking entrepreneur now. Fuck your feature flags and endless variants in your A/B testing.